


After NEXT

by QueenHimiko



Series: After NEXT [1]
Category: Slayers (Anime & Manga)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-19
Updated: 2013-05-19
Packaged: 2017-12-12 06:51:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/808566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenHimiko/pseuds/QueenHimiko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lina and Gourry deal with the emotional fall out of the events in Slayers NEXT.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Two of Us Wearing Raincoats, Standing Solo, in the Sun

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own The Slayers. The chapter title is, of course, from "Two of Us" by Paul McCartney, though I was listening to the version by Aimee Mann and Michael Penn when I thought of it for this fic.

Looking back, Lina could remember vividly how tinged with fear her confusion was. One moment she was consumed with terror and anguish as she witnessed Phibrizzo shatter Gourry’s crystal. One moment she was driven by desperation to perform a spell that could destroy the world. One moment she knew she had lost control of it and that her game was over. The realization of all she had lost and all that she had destroyed for every living being in the world fell on her as surely as the Chaos that soon claimed her did. One moment, she was feeling dread, loss and desperation.

What should have followed in the next moment was complete nothingness. Yet somehow, inexplicably, she was floating in Gourry’s arms over the ruins of Sairaag with Amelia, Zel and Sylphiel watching, seemingly safe and sound.

She didn’t know what to think. Lina knew that experiencing anything now should have been impossible. Was it a trap? Some final delusion? Her mind could not comprehend the mere possibility that she was safe. Fear continued to be the driving force behind her actions, and it tended to manifest in the form of anger. So rather than continue to embrace the man she had nearly sacrificed the world for, she punched him into the lake, shouting things about lost innocence.

Part of her knew she was being terribly unreasonable, but the part that was consumed by fear and confusion won. Until Amelia bravely flew up to join her and put a hand on her shoulder, “Miss Lina…”

“What!?” Lina snapped.

“Um, I was wondering if may be you could explain what happened.”

“How should I know what happened?” Lina retorted, “What did happen anyway? Why are we even still here?”

“You mean you don’t remember?” Amelia asked tentatively.

“Remember what?” Lina shot back.

“Being possessed by the Lord of Nightmares and killing Phibrizzo?”

Lina opened her mouth, shut it, and then let it hang slack jawed for a bit. “What?”

“We were able to deduce that you had cast the Giga Slave.” Zel said from the ground as Sylphiel helped Gourry out of the lake.

Lina flew down to the shore, followed by Amelia. “So what if I did?” Lina folded her arms across her chest, “And before you decide to lecture me let me remind you that none of you would be here if I hadn’t.”

“My sword!” Gourry yelled, and everyone turned to stare at him as his hand repeatedly patted his bare hip. “Where’s my sword?”

“Did…did he have it with him when he was encased in the crystal?” Sylphiel asked as she looked at Lina.

“I was kind of thinking about other things at the moment.” Lina replied in an uncharacteristically flat manner.

“What crystal?” Amelia asked.

“I had it with me when I went into that big black thing.” Gourry said, “And my armor.”

“What big black thing?” Lina asked.

Zel smiled, “You know hell has frozen over when Gourry remembers something Lina doesn’t.”

“This isn’t funny!” Lina snarled, “What big black thing?”

“Chaos.” Zel replied.

Lina stared at him dumbfounded as Gourry raced back into the water to search for his sword. The sounds of him splashing in the water spurred her to undo her mantle and stare at it for a moment before setting it down. “Weird.” She said as she saw that her short sword joined her mantle.

“What?” Amelia asked.

“How come I have my mantle and short sword, and everything else as far as I can tell, but Gourry doesn’t have his armor or sword?” No one answered her as she sat down and removed her boots.

Without uttering another word, she followed Gourry into the lake and joined him in his search for his sword. She barely registered that Amelia and Sylphiel had joined them. The water was slightly cold, erasing any further doubts in her mind that this was some delusion. There was still a lot she didn’t understand, but she could allow herself to set it aside for now and trust that she was safe enough to focus on the task at hand.

She wasn’t sure how long they searched but something deep within her knew from the get go that the sword was lost. There was a time, not long ago, that Lina would have been devastated to learn that the legendary Sword of Light had vanished. Now the sword’s worth seemed puny in comparison to Gourry’s. She was just glad to have him back.

Still, none of it made sense. She thought back to those horrible moments when she had lost control of the Giga Slave. She remembered losing control of her body, a sudden fading away as darkness enveloped her and a terrifying feeling of failure and then? Nothing.

Was Amelia right? Had she really been possessed by the Lord of Nightmares? The thought was a little disquieting.

Eventually the tempo of Gourry’s pacing changed. One minute he was frantically searching for the sword, the next he was heading towards the shore. “Gourry?” she asked as she moved to follow him.

“It’s gone.” He said, “I can feel it. It’s no use to continue looking.”

They made it to shore and dried off in silence. Lina wondered why Gourry kept giving her nervous glances as she pulled her boots on. “Is there a restaurant nearby? I’m starving.” Lina said, though it was the understatement of the year. Casting the Giga Slave had always left her tired and famished. Though, she considered as she ran her hand through her hair and examined it briefly, her hair was still coppery red instead of white. It was something else to add to the Strange List.

“Yes,” Sylphiel said, “Follow me.”

Lina sped up a bit so that she was close to Zel and Sylphiel, “So I was possessed by the Lord of Nightmares?”

“You don’t remember?” Sylphiel asked.

Lina shook her head. Sylphiel bit her lip, “We woke up and you were there, bathed in gold light. And someone…”

“Xellos.” Zel interrupted.

“Said that you were the Lord of Nightmares and that you were lost to the Chaotic energy.”

Lina furrowed her brow, and opened her mouth to ask a question when Gourry cut in, “Hey guys, I’m really confused here.”

For once his confusion was perfectly understandable. “What do you remember?” Amelia asked. “Before waking up today that is.”

Gourry thought for a moment, “Being kidnapped.”

Amelia and Zel exchanged shocked looks, “But that was days ago, how can you not remember anything?” Zel asked.

“Hellmaster had him encased in some sort of crystallized energy.” Lina explained. “I’m not at all surprised he doesn’t remember anything. You don’t seem to.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Zel asked.

“After he killed you he put you in similar crystals and gave me one more chance to save everyone’s life.”

“By casting the Giga Slave?” Zel asked. Lina nodded.

“But Miss Lina…” Sylphiel started.

“If you’re going to criticize me for casting the spell I don’t want to hear it. What was I supposed to do, let you die?” Lina stopped walking to give Sylphiel the benefit of her full glare, “What if he had killed all of you and then went on to the next village to hold it hostage? And then the next one after that? He had the power to, and with Gaav out of the way he had no one to stop him. I did what I had to do. I gambled and…survived.”

An awkward silence followed. The weight of how close things came to being different weighed heavily on Lina’s shoulders.

“I’m still confused.” Gourry said.

Lina sighed and continued walking as she explained. “The little kid that pulled the sheepskin over our eyes? Remember him?”

Gourry nodded.

“He kidnapped you, held you for ransom, and I defeated him. Got it?”

Gourry thought for a moment and nodded again.

“Good, I want to go back to the part where I was possessed by the Lord of Nightmares and lost to the Chaotic energy. What happened?”

“We don’t know much beyond that.” Zel explained. “Only that the Lord of Nightmares killed Phibrizzo and then she ascended back to Chaos.”

Amelia smiled coyly as she added, “And then Mr. Gourry followed you in there and somehow got you back.”

Lina stopped in her tracks, “He did what?”

Amelia clasped her hands together and smiled warmly, “He ventured into Chaos to get you back!”

Lina turned to face Gourry, her expression unreadable. A tense silence followed for a few seconds as the air between them seemed to dance with tension. A slight blush rose to her cheeks as she finally exclaimed, “You idiot!”

“Huh?” he asked.

“What did you think you were doing, following me into a place like Chaos? You could have been killed!”

“So it’s okay for you to sacrifice yourself for me but I can’t do the same for you?” he retorted.

“Who told you I sacrificed myself for you?” She growled as she took a step closer to the swordsman.

Gourry folded his arms across his chest as he replied, “Whoever it was who possessed you did.”

“Gourry, your memory has more holes than Swiss cheese. How exactly do you remember that?”

“Well it’s not every day you wake up and are informed that some woman has sacrificed her life for you.” He explained as he scratched the back of his head.

Lina blushed crimson as Amelia wondered out loud to Zel and Sylphiel whether they should give them some time alone. “We’ll just go on ahead.” Amelia said timidly as she pushed Zel and Sylphiel forward.

After they left, Lina found her voice again, “That’s not the point! What were you thinking? Do you even know how dangerous it was to go after me after all I…all I…”

 _All I did to keep you safe._ She thought the words but she couldn’t voice them. Not in front of him.

He gazed at her steadily as he explained, “I’m your protector.”

Lina’s hands clenched into fists. She was suddenly feeling rather dizzy. It was because she was so hungry, she reasoned. She was always ravenous after casting the Giga Slave. Learning about Gourry’s actions had nothing to do with it. “So that gives you the right to throw your life away after I nearly sacrificed the world to save you?”

“My life would not be much without you in it.”

Lina did not think it was possible for her to blush harder than she was already. He reached a hand out and gently ran his fingers through her hair. She started to tremble, and even she had a hard time attributing it solely to the fact that her body was now desperate for food. The urge to hold him tightly built within her, and she believed that if another group of travelers had not chosen that moment to walk by she would have done just that.

They looked away from each other as the group passed and her stomach made embarrassingly loud growling noises. “Come on,” Gourry said, extending an arm, “You must be hungry. Let’s get some food.”

* * *

  
For the past several weeks, stress had been the companion of every member of the group. Stress is not a kind friend. It wrecks havoc on the body and it keeps people hyper alert. Yet now that the danger was past every one of them could afford to leave their guard down and seek what their bodies needed: sleep.

After Martina and Zangulus had left with instructions to be at their wedding at 11 o’clock sharp or else the following morning, Lina, Gourry, Sylphiel, Zel and Amelia each went into their rooms and crashed.

It was Martina’s shrilly voice that woke Gourry up the next morning. “Lina Inverse, I know you’re in there!” she called from outside the hotel, “You’d better wake up and come down to my wedding!”

Gourry gave a few moments thought to going back to sleep, but the sound of the door beside his being slammed open made him change his mind. Figuring it was Lina about to rip Martina a new one he went into the hallway to find Amelia looking panicked, “I slept in!” she yelled as she made her way towards the washroom. Gourry noted that he was not the only one who had fallen asleep in his clothing.

He was shortly joined by Zel and Sylphiel, who also looked groggy and bedridden. “Do you think we have time for a bit of breakfast before the wedding?” Zel asked.

“It’s 10:45!” Amelia exclaimed as she exited the washroom, toweling her face dry, “We’d better get going now. Where’s Miss Lina?”

“Probably still sleeping,” Gourry said, “I’ll go get her.”

“Tell her to hurry!” Amelia ordered as she ran back into her room to grab her hair brush.

Gourry knocked, and when he heard no response he cracked the door open a little, “Lina?”

Still no answer. He let himself in and found her sprawled on the bed, fast asleep. He stared at her for a moment, wondering if what the golden lady had said was true and that Lina really had sacrificed her life for his. A cascade of conflicting emotions seized him. Anger, once again, that she had been so reckless with her own life. Touched to find that she really did care for him so much. Terrified at how close he came to losing her. Relieved that she was safe. That they were safe.

He gingerly put a hand on her shoulder and shook it, “Hey Lina, wake up, we’ve got to go to Martina’s wedding.”

Her breathing changed as her eyes shot open. She sat up a little, staring at him in shock. “Lina?” he asked.

And then suddenly she had thrown her arms around him and was holding him close. His eyes widened in surprise. The only other time she had done this was when they were in a room full of slugs, and it had shocked him then just as it did now. Just to be sure, he stole a quick glance at the ceiling to make sure that it was slug free before allowing himself to enjoy her embrace. “You’re all right.” She said as he wrapped his arms around her and gently rubbed her back.

“Was I gone that long?”

Lina pulled away. Part of him wanted to ditch his self control so he could feel her in his arms again. He kept his distance though. A slight blush had graced her cheeks and she avoided his gaze as if embarrassed by her forwardness. “It was awhile. When do we have to be down for the wedding?”

“Ten minutes.” He replied as she got out of bed and grabbed her brush and started combing her hair.

“Humph, that doesn’t leave me much time for anything then.”

“Hey Lina, I’ve been wondering…” he said, noticing how she visibly tensed at his words. Still, there was a lot he didn’t understand, stuff that he wanted to understand. And her short explanation the previous day left little explained. “Why?”

“Why what? And make it quick, we don’t have a lot of time.”

“In the first place, why did that little boy kidnap me?”

Her grip on the hair brush tightened, her knuckles noticeably whitening. For a moment he didn’t think she was going to answer. “Because he wanted me to cast a very dangerous spell.”

“But why would you cast a dangerous spell if he kidnapped me?”

Lina grabbed her mantle and placed her brush into one of its numerous pockets before putting it on. From the hallway Amelia cried, “Miss Lina, Mr. Gourry! Hurry, we’re going down now!”

As Lina headed for the door, Gourry wasn’t sure if he was more annoyed or surprised to hear Lina, the woman who loved to speculate say, “How should I know what he was thinking?”

* * *

  
In some respects, Lina was glad that she was even able to feel the ravenous hunger grumbling inside of her, battling for dominance with the extreme fatigue that would not release its grip on her. It reminded her of the fact that there still was a world to experience in the first place. On the other hand, it was a damn inconvenience having to stand around when you’re tired and hungry to watch two people who you never particularly liked in the first place get married. She just wished they would hurry up and finish so she could find a good buffet somewhere.

Looking around at her friends, it seemed as if she was solidly in the minority. Amelia and Sylphiel had stars in their eyes, dreaming of the day when they would be married. Gourry, naturally, only seemed too happy to enjoy the festive atmosphere. Even Zel seemed in an uncharacteristically good mood as he chided Amelia.

 _They’ll just divorce in two months’ time anyway,_ Lina thought to herself as the impromptu church collapsed and she turned to leave with Gourry.

There was so much to discuss, so much she needed to let him know. And the first was that even without his sword, he was stuck with her. Part of her wondered with an eager anticipation that confused her how he would react when he learned that she would stick around even if he didn’t have the Sword of Light. She noticed how he seemed to relax as she informed him of her plan to help him find a new sword, and only then did it hit her how worried he must have been that she would leave.

And then just as he was about to speak, Xellos interrupted and returned the Sword of Light. Lina couldn’t fully explain her annoyance at his appearance. Just what was she expecting Gourry to do upon learning her plan anyway? Lina cast aside her ire and decided to be happy that the sword was back…along with the swordsman.


	2. I Know You Haven't Made Your Mind Up Yet, But I Would Never Do You Wrong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song title I used for this chapter is from "To Make You Feel My Love" by Bob Dylan, though as is becoming a theme here I was listening to the cover version by Adele when I thought of it for this fic.

Lina was so exhausted by the time they got to the inn that she was dead on her feet. Not even the promise of a good meal could keep her from heading straight to her room and crashing. Zel, Amelia, Sylphiel and Gourry enjoyed a nice dinner without her, after which Sylphiel left to go to the bathroom. No sooner had she left did Amelia wonder aloud, “I wonder if Miss Lina will be okay.”

“She’ll be fine,” Gourry said, “She does this from time to time when she casts a very powerful spell.”

“It’s not just that,” Amelia said, and a coy look flashed upon her face so quickly that a less observant man would not have even noticed it, “She’s had such a rough time lately.”

“Huh?” Gourry asked.

Amelia took a sip of tea before explaining, “Well, she was just devastated after you were kidnapped. I’ve never seen her like that before.”

“Like what?” Gourry asked, his curiosity piqued. He had hoped for a long time that he was as important to her as she was to him. Yet with the way she vehemently denied any romantic feelings for him, it was hard to be so optimistic.

“She cried herself to sleep every night.” Zel said, “I could hear it clearly in my room what with my sensitive hearing and all. And she would wake up crying, screaming sometimes.”

Amelia nodded solemnly, “And she beat the living daylights out of any bandit camps we happened to fall upon.”

Gourry listened carefully as Zel and Amelia related Lina’s behavior during his absence, sad to hear that she had been in so much pain even as hope grew within him that may be she did feel something more than friendship towards him. It was no exaggeration to say that it was being with Lina that brought a sense of purpose back into his life. After leaving home to protect his family, he’d wandered around aimlessly until he found her. And it didn’t take long for him to realize that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her.

He wanted to tell her. And he was also terrified of losing her if he did. She was never shy about shooting down any suggestions of romance. It was a tremendous blow for him to be cut off from his family. He valued family greatly, and for a time he never thought he would have recovered from that loss. When he met Lina and started to do amazing things with her, such as save the world, that started to change. If he lost her things would be even worse than they were before he met her. He would have lost the thing that meant the most to him twice, for he now considered Lina to be his family. So if it meant he would have to pretend to harbor nothing more than friendly feelings towards her for the rest of his life just to be near her, he would.

And while he was content, it didn’t mean that he wouldn’t leap at the opportunity to be something more if she gave him any indication that it was welcome.

He still had a lot of questions about what happened with Phibrizzo. He’d asked Lina a few times, but she was unusually vague when answering them. While she would rail against his denseness, Gourry suspected that she really didn’t mind too much. It gave her a chance to show off her knowledge, and Lina loved to show off. So the fact that she didn’t want to talk about something with him troubled him greatly. “So, I’m still confused. Why did that little kid abduct me anyway?”

Zel and Amelia exchanged a look, “Well, I think that Lina or Sylphiel could explain it better.” Zel said, “But from what I understand it seems as though Phibrizzo captured you to force Lina to cast the Giga Slave.”

Zel sighed at Gourry’s blank look. “Okay, let’s see. Do you remember Shabranigdo? The Dark Lord who nearly destroyed the world about a year ago?”

Gourry thought for a moment, “I guess.”

Zel didn’t look convinced but continued anyway, “Do you remember the spell Lina used, the Giga Slave?”

“The one that turned her hair white?”

Zel relaxed, “Exactly. Well, I guess she got lucky that time because if she had miscast it, it could have destroyed the world. And that seems to be what Phibrizzo was after. He captured you, and from what I can deduce, he gave Lina a choice: cast the Giga Slave or watch him murder you.”

Gourry’s jaw dropped, “And you mean to tell me she cast it?”

“Apparently,” Zel said.

“And for you. Phibrizzo killed us off one by one and she didn’t so much as throw a fireball.” Amelia said.

“She didn’t fight back? That’s not like Lina.” Gourry said.

“Well, we had tried a double Dragon Slave earlier and it didn’t work.” Sylphiel explained as she returned from the bathroom and took a seat, “I think she knew it was either cast the Giga Slave or else…and she couldn’t bring herself to do it. Yet.”

Gourry was about to ask another question when Amelia blurted out, “A double Dragon Slave?”

“From the girl who shoots Flare Carrots?” Zel added.

Sylphiel blushed and waved her hand dismissively, “I just wanted to see if I could do it.”

Gourry couldn’t make any sense out of that, so he decided to ask the question that was on his mind, “So if that Philito guy killed you all, how are you still here?”

Zel took a sip of his coffee, “If I answer that, we will be here all night. But I’m guessing that Phibrizzo could capture our life force and put it into some sort of crystallized form that Lina mentioned. Luckily for all of us, it appears he gave Lina a second chance to save us.”

Gourry was starting to feel sick to his stomach as he started to grasp the horror of what had happened since his absence. At first he was so mortified to learn that Lina could have destroyed the world to save him that he wanted to go upstairs, wake her, and shake some sense into her. Yet after learning about the sheer amount of manipulation and blackmail she had endured…

His head filled to the brim with thoughts, he stood up and announced that he was going to go take a bath. He was relieved when Zel made no move to join him. He wanted some time alone with his thoughts.

Mechanically he walked up the stairs to where the rooms were so he could pick up his soap and a change of clothing. The inn was unusually crowded. Some festival was going on in a neighboring village and a lot of people were travelling to see it. They were lucky to get two rooms, one for the boys and one for the girls. The room Lina shared with Sylphiel and Amelia was on the ways to his, and he stopped outside the door and stared at it. Sleeping inside was a woman so mighty that she slew a powerful monster to save his life. Him.

And while Gourry would criticize her for being so reckless with her life, he knew he would have done the same if he had been in her shoes. He cared for her life more than he cared for his. Did Lina feel the same way?

He took a deep breath and made his way back down the stairs. It had been a long time since someone cared if he lived or died. He knew good and well that his own family would dance a jig on his grave if it meant getting the damned sword back. Just the possibility that she loved him so much was enough to make joy travel through and warm him. There was a lot he didn’t understand, but one thing he did know. Something in their relationship had changed, he just wasn’t sure how yet.

* * *

 

Sylphiel took a sip of her freshly refilled cup of tea and stared at the princess sitting across the table from her. Zel had left to go to bed, leaving the two of them to enjoy some time together. “He was devastated when you died.”

Amelia nearly dropped her cup, “Huh?”

“Mr. Zelgadis. When Phibrizzo killed you…I’ve seen that look before when men lose their lovers. He had it.”

Amelia sat the tea cup down so that she would not have the chance to accidently break it. “That may be, but he loves his search for the cure more. My offer to have him visit me in Seyruun still stands…and stands.”

“May be that will change now that he’s been faced with a life with you gone forever.”

Amelia shuddered, “It nearly was forever, wasn’t it? I hate to think about it now. When I do I start to think that I should head straight home, hug my Daddy, and never leave Seyruun again.” Amelia smiled wryly before continuing, “I can’t tell him about this. He’d never let me out of his sight again if he knew I had been killed, even if it was for only a few minutes. There’s been so much loss in our lives already. Sometimes I think I should just grow up and settle into my royal duties.”

Amelia was quiet for a moment before adding, “But I love traveling with Miss Lina and everyone else. And we do such wonderful things together in the name of Justice. I can’t imagine giving all of that up either.”

Sylphiel took another sip of tea before saying, “Now that you mention it, I should head off to Seyruun as well. I’m…I’m in the way here.”

“Miss Sylphiel?”

“When I first met Miss Lina, I knew Master Gourry liked her, and I couldn’t understand why. She’s rude and boastful and can be downright mean at times. I couldn’t understand what she had that I didn’t. But now I see why. And I see that I’m in the way. And it’s not good for them, or for me.” She smiled wryly before continuing, “I lost everything in Sairaag. And I’ve not done much with my life in Seyruun since then aside from learning the...well, I’ve been staying with my uncle and recovering. And now I need to move on, keep myself busy. Surely there’s something in Seyruun that I could do that would be useful.”

Amelia smiled, “Of course, you’re good with White Magic, and we are the White Magic capital.”

“We should leave tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?” Amelia asked, a little stunned. She wasn’t quite ready to leave her carefree life for the confining one of a royal just yet. At the same time, she knew she couldn’t avoid it forever. “Well, okay.”

* * *

  
Lina bolted upright in bed, choking a sob back as she did. It took a moment to register that she was safe in an inn with Sylphiel and Amelia sleeping in neighboring beds. She glanced in their direction, studying their faces carefully. Bathed in the glow of the rising sun, it did not appear that they had woken. Lina relaxed a little, but not completely. She felt an overwhelming urge to see Gourry and make sure that he was okay.

Yes, she remembered the events of the past few days, but there was this crazy part of her that insisted that it was a dream. She had to see him, but was stopped by the fact that she could not think of a good reason for barging into his room. Glancing once more at Sylphiel and Amelia she leaned against the wall so her ear was against it and listened for any sounds emanating from the neighboring room.

She relaxed completely when she discerned Gourry’s voice. He was talking to Zel about something. What, though, was beyond her. Feeling silly she tossed off the covers and got out of bed.

As she grabbed her comb and started to brush her hair, she realized that shaking away the remnants of the dream was more difficult than it should have been. An unusual feeling of guilt and loss had grabbed a hold of her as images of the world being destroyed flashed through her mind.

And while she had reasoned matter-of-factly with Sylphiel about why she had to cast the spell, she knew good and well that at the time the only thing she could think about was that Phibrizzo was going to kill Gourry. Worse still was the realization that when he was killing her other friends, she was kept frozen by the memory of the alternate past that Auntie Aqua had shown her. That she could hold on to her perspective when her other friends’ lives were in jeopardy but not Gourry’s meant one thing: her feelings for him were different than the ones she had for the others. How they were different still confused her greatly.

As she grabbed some fresh clothing, she wondered what sort of a hold he had over her that would cause even her to act so recklessly. She made no qualms about the fact that she was like a bull in a china shop, but bulls didn’t destroy whole city blocks. Even she had her limits, and destroying the world was not something she wanted on her resume.

And it scared her that she could feel something so strongly for someone that she would damn the world to save him.

Amelia started to stir, and Lina rushed to get changed, pushing all that was troubling her as far from her mind as possible. Since when did she dwell upon her past actions anyway? The past is history, and she couldn’t very well do anything to change it now. She won, and she should be happy about it and not think on it anymore.

* * *

  
“This just seems so sudden,” Lina explained between bites of sausage, “I mean, I thought you two were planning on hanging around for a while.”

“We were,” Amelia said, “But then I started thinking about the state Seyruun was in when we left and I really think that now that the danger is over I should go home and help Seyruun rebuild and heal.”

Sylphiel nodded in agreement. For some reason that Lina could not explain, she felt relieved. “Well, okay. I guess we’ll see you the next time we’re around!”

“Well, if you two are going, I guess I should follow up on some leads myself.” Zel added.

“Really? Where will you be going Mr. Zelgadis?” Amelia asked.

They chatted aimlessly through the remainder of breakfast and then went back up to their rooms to grab their belongings and check out. As usual Lina and Gourry really did not have a particular destination in mind, only a vague idea of seeing the festival that was nearby.

They all left together on a perfectly bright and sunny day. Eventually they came upon a fork in the road and decided to say their goodbyes. Sylphiel surprised Lina was she suddenly embraced her tightly and whispered, “Take care of him,” in her ear.

Then in a flash she was far down the road with Amelia. Lina was still reeling when Gourry asked, “You okay?”

Lina smiled at him, “Yeah, Sylphiel is just being weird, that’s all. So, just you and me now, eh?”

He ruffled her hair, “You bet.”


	3. Kiss Me Too Fiercely, Hold Me Too Tight, I Need Help Believing You're With Me Tonight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter title is from "As Long as You're Mine" from "Wicked"

They talked about the weather. The weather. Their first day alone together after all that had happened, and all they could talk about was how it was such a pretty, fine day. Not a cloud in the sky. Usually after a big battle they spent days dissecting it, what they did that worked, what they did that failed, what they should have done, what to do next time. There was so much to talk about. The air hung heavy on Gourry’s shoulders like a second coat of armor.

So many questions to ask. So much to say. It never ceased to amaze him how he could face down monsters and demons, but when it came to being open with his feelings around Lina, he became the worst coward the world had ever seen. There was so much to gain by saying something, but there was even more to lose. So he talked about the weather.

By the time they had reached the inn dusk was falling, and Gourry was ready to write off the day as a waste. Lina went to stand in line to get a room, Gourry went to the dining hall to order their food, wondering if there was a way he could subtlety show her that he cared. The dining hall was packed and noisy. Delicious aromas warred with each other for dominance. Fried chicken battled pot roast which was nearly drowned by the scent of cinnamon apples. Gourry’s mouth watered as he managed to find a table that was recently vacated, still grimy with the remains of the previous diner’s meal.

Gourry claimed it just as a harried waitress came to wipe it down, “Business good tonight?” he asked.

She nodded, “It’s to be expected with the festival. What will you have?”

Gourry detected the slightest quiver of her mouth as he placed his large order. She murmured something about making sure they had enough supplies and then dashed off to the kitchen, leaving Gourry to wonder what was taking Lina so long. And to formulate a plan of action for when she arrived. Should he hold out her chair for her? No, too obvious. Just ask her without preamble why she nearly destroyed the world? Well, he did want to survive this night. He was still lost in thought when the waitress started bringing in plates full of piping hot food to the table.

Gourry’s eyes brightened as a good idea came to him. Usually he would figure if Lina was late to dinner he would just start without her. You snooze you lose after all (and Lina would do no less for him). He would wait for her to arrive and let her eat first before tackling the food. That was sure to bring some comment from her, and hopefully from there they could talk about more serious matters.

She stormed in suddenly and appeared shaken as she sat down, grabbed some rolls, and stuffed them into her mouth, without seeming to notice or care about his remarkable restraint. She seemed paler than usual, her lips drawn a little too thin, and she had to work too hard to keep her breathing even. Gourry’s heart fell a little as he asked, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” she said as she grabbed some pot roast. “It’s just that they’re booked solid. We’re going to have to share tonight.”

She nearly faltered as she spoke, causing his heart rate to increase. Sure, it wasn’t as if they’d never shared a room before. But that was before being kidnapped. Things had changed now. How they had changed was a mystery, as they had wasted the day talking about the stupid weather. Gourry wanted to kick himself. He knew that even trying to launch a serious discussion about relationships in such a crowded inn would be useless. So he pretended it didn’t faze him one bit as he smiled and said, “I guess I’ll be sleeping on the floor tonight.”

But as soon as they opened the door to their room, they realized that solution would be impossible. The room was so small that the bed took up most of it. There was no space for anyone to sleep on the floor. Once again, it was not the first time this had happened, and Gourry fell back on Plan B. “I’ll sleep on the covers.”

Lina nodded, and took off her mantle and set it on the small bit of floor provided. Part of her hated this situation. She’d been having nightmares ever since he’d been kidnapped, and she was terrified that he would find out. But then she wondered if she would have them if he was close by. Until now she had feared going to bed and waking in the morning unsure of where he was and if he was safe. A few times she had come dangerously close to suggesting sharing a room in the name of saving money, but her nerves got in the way. Now she could keep him close, without having to acknowledge to him that she wanted him close in the first place.

Her boots joined her mantle, followed by her short sword. Beside her Gourry was removing his sword and stowing it under the bed. She crawled under the blankets and arranged the pillows the way she liked as she felt his weight grow beside her, solid and comforting.

“Night.” He said, and she replied.

In less than five minutes he was snoring. Lina, despite her exhaustion, could not sleep. She was too aware of his proximity. Her arms ached to hold him, to feel that he was real, warm, and alive. She felt so silly that she needed such reassurance, but she did. Later, she wondered how long she lay there paralyzed by indecision, but she eventually must have fallen asleep, for the next thing she remembered was Gourry being enveloped in an ominous, inky black tornado as he was torn from her reach. Feelings of desperation, hopelessness, and loss choked her as she scrambled to get him back.

The scene changed in the surreal manner that can only happen in dreams, and Lina found herself in a court room presided by Xellos. Luna read the charges against her, that she had destroyed the whole of humanity and everyone she had ever cared about. And none of her friends were alive to defend her. To escape judgment, Lina decided to cast the Giga Slave. Gourry, who wasn’t really dead after all, rushed in to stop her, but it was too late. She watched as her out of control spell took his life, screaming his name as the darkness enveloped her and she shot upright in bed.

Soft moonlight dimly lit their tiny room, a steady stream of hope in the darkness. It fought the lies her dreams had spun by shining light on the truth. The world was there. Gourry had been rescued and was beside her. Lina had not killed him or her friends. Xellos was definitely not a judge. And Lina was sitting upright, her hair damp and matted to her neck thanks to her own sweat. She was breathing heavily, trying to reign in tears, hoping that she had not really shouted out anything and that somehow Gourry was still asleep. Never show anyone your vulnerabilities. She had learned that much from Luna.

Her heart rate slowed down as the seconds passed and grew into minutes. Her breathing became more even. Gourry did not stir. She slowly reached a hand to her face to wipe the sweat from her brow and slowly sank back into bed, the fragments of her dream haunting her. Tears leaked from her eyes, and like a broken pipe, she could not contained them. Why could she not constrain them? Gourry was back! He was right beside her! She choked back a sob as she wondered what was wrong with her as she fought back the urge to throw caution to the wind and hold him. The sudden desire to feel him in her arms, a tangible reminder that he was real, filled her.

She knew she was being silly, but she feared that he might be a phantom, a mere illusion. She needed to know he was really there beside her. The heat of his body was not enough. Could she touch him without waking him? She’d been lucky thus far. How long would that hold out? Slowly, she reached out her hand.

Gourry was awake. He’d been awake since before she’d woken, screaming his name. Years of living in a mercenary camp had taught him how to fake sleep exceedingly well. Night terrors were common among the seasoned warriors. It was considered polite to pretend they never happened. It was different with Lina. She’d been thrashing so violently, grunting with fear and protest that he knew she was having a nightmare. He’d struggled with whether to wake her from it or doing what was customary for him, ignoring it. In the end, she woke up before he could summon the courage to do it for her.

He was silent and still as she sat upright in bed and regained her composure. He waited for some sign that she might want to talk, but as she settled back down his hopes vanished. Until he felt the slight weight of her hand on his shoulder. He waited for her to shake him awake or say something. Instead confusion filled him as her hand snaked around to his chest and she pulled him tightly to her. His eyes widened as he realized that Lina was spooning with him, holding him so tightly that breathing was slightly difficult. He worked valiantly to keep his breathing steady when he noticed something wet and warm starting to soak the back of his shirt where her face was. Tears? Was she crying?

Gourry puzzled over what to do in this situation. His impulse was to turn around, hold her, and kiss her tears away. There were risked involved with that course of action, namely being Fireballed into the next town. Gourry decided to throw caution to the wind. She was making a move, he was not going to let it fly by.

Awkwardly, he twisted in her strong embrace and cupped her face in his hand. Rivulets of water that streamed down her face sparkled in the moonlight, and slowly he leaned forward to kiss them and stem their flow. To his surprise, she didn’t kick him through the wall and into the next room. On the contrary, she grabbed him even tighter and started kissing him on the lips.

It was hard to tell who was more surprised, Lina at her own daring, or Gourry at the fact that the most emotionally reserved woman he had ever met was kissing him with unbridled enthusiasm. Reason seemed to be lost. Everything that had been repressed was starting to boil over dangerously. Lina kissed him so hard that she worried about bruising his lips, but found herself not caring. She needed to feel his presence, his life, and his passion. She ran her hands up his back repeatedly, trying to find some way to bring them closer. But the blanket remained between the two of them, an annoying barrier. She wanted to tear through it, destroy it, live up to her reckless name…

Reckless…

“If you don’t try to be a little reckless…”

As quickly as she had started she froze. “Lina?” Gourry asked, his voice heavy with both ardor and terror over wondering if she was about to start swinging.

Lina’s eyes widened in horror. What was she doing? The alternative past that Auntie Aqua had showed her flooded her suddenly. The Enemy of All Who Lives. People call her that. And maybe they weren’t wrong to do so. “What have I done?” she asked.

“People do this all the time.” Gourry said.

“No! The spell. I could have destroyed the world. I had sworn never to use it. And I did.”

Gourry was raging a war with himself. Part of him wanted to tell her she was being silly and get back to the part where she was kissing him. The other part was well aware that this was the perfect time to start that conversation he’d been wanting to have all day. He took a deep breath, the knowledge that he was about to ruin the mood heavy on his shoulders, “What were you thinking, casting that spell?”

Lina leaned back against the wall, “He was going to kill you.” She said weakly. “It was the only way I could stop him.”

“I’m one man. There’s many, many people in the world. They could have all been destroyed. You could have been destroyed.”

“I know!” Lina yelled, her face flushing as her tears dried, “I didn’t care!” An awkward silence fell upon them, which Lina attempted to break by saying, “Well, you try and stand by while someone tries to kill someone. You have to act in such situations!”

Gourry was surprised by how angry he became all of the sudden. She was implying that she would have done this for anyone, that he meant nothing to her. “Is that so? Then why did Zel and Amelia say that you did nothing as they were killed one by one?”

Lina’s eyes widened, “What? I thought you didn’t remember anything…”

“I don’t. They told me what happened when you were asleep.” Gourry felt slightly guilty at the look of betrayal that flashed across her face for a split second before it darkened and hardened dangerously.

“What are you wanting me to say? That I will never cast that spell again? An admission that I should have let Hellmaster kill you for good? That I’m ashamed that I let him kill the others? I don’t know why I stood by and did nothing then! I was scared, more scared than I’d ever been.” Her voice had risen so loud that Gourry was scared that she would rouse the neighbors, when suddenly she turned the volume down to a whisper, “I’m not sure which scared me more, Hellmaster or my own power. The fear of my power kept me from acting. By the time he’d sealed everyone in crystals and given me one last chance and threatened to kill you, the fear of my power vanished, and I cast it.”

She deliberately omitted that the reason the fear of her power vanished was because she feared living in the world without him more than she did the consequences of her actions. She could not articulate it when she was casting the Giga Slave, but she knew now. She knew that she loved Gourry more than she loved the world. And she knew she did not have the luxury of admitting any of that. “Satisfied?” she asked, not even bothering to keep the bitterness from her voice.

Gourry was far from satisfied. He was still confused as to what he meant to her. But he knew he could not fault her for casting the Giga Slave. He knew he would have done it if he had been in her shoes. And while he had not gotten the full admission he craved, she had opened up to him emotionally more than she ever had before. Gently he said, “I owe you my life. Thank you.”

The words hit her like a blow. Was he trying to hurt her? Did he not understand that if he had not been with her in the first place he would have never been in danger? She was not sure how she had given it away, but Auntie Aqua has picked up on it in seconds. Surely Xellos had suspected something and reported it to Hellmaster. They had figured out where her affections lay before she had. And Hellmaster had used them against her. Before she could stop it a sob escaped from her lips.

“Lina?” he asked, placing a firm hand on her shoulder.

“Do you know what it is like to have so much power you fear yourself?” she covered, hoping he would buy it.

“No.”

Lina stole a glance at the window. Was anyone watching? Could she steal this moment, experience its potency, and keep him safe? Would she be jeopardizing his life again for one night of bliss?

_Reckless._

Slowly she peeled back the covers. One night, and one night alone to convince her that he was alive. One night to savor the fruits of her recklessness. And then they would forever be friends, and nothing more. She met his gaze as she challenged, “Can you make me forget?”

 


	4. I Hope That You See Right Through My Walls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Chapter title is from "I'm Home" by Christine Perri

Sunshine streamed through the one, tiny window, bringing fears and regrets with it. Beside her, Gourry slept peacefully while Lina fretted and worried. Once again she had been reckless. She’d followed her feelings, and to hell with the consequences. Last night she thought that her actions would have no ripple effect, that they could go back to the way they were before Phibrizzo. Now she knew there was no going back.

He had said that he loved her.

The awkwardness of the moment clung to her mind like pancake syrup. First there was the kissing, followed by touching, the exhilaration of the discovery of each other’s’ bodies masking the clumsy and uncouth nature of their exploration. Clothes did not come off as easily as intended. Lina was constantly worrying about whether or not her touch felt good, while Gourry kept checking every two minutes to make sure he was not hurting her.

And to be truthful, sometimes he did. But he proved to be a quick student, bringing her to heights of pleasure that she had never dreamed of. And as she came down, nestled protectively in his arms, he whispered those three damning words.

Ever so gently he had turned her face towards him, blue eyes sparkling with expectation in the moonlight. And all she could do was stare. She was grasping at one moment she could never have again. But for him it was the start of bigger things. The silence hung between them, heavy and unwanted. When Gourry realized that she was not going to answer he untangled her from his arms and turned away from her. “Night.” He whispered.

Guilt, unease, and worry tugged on her mind. She knew she had wounded him grievously and wondered if he would even stick around after this. Just as bad as the emotional blow was the fact she was certain that she had not delivered the physical pleasure to him that he had to her. She had wanted to be good at this, but she had a bad feeling that she had been a lousy partner. The fact that she knew so little about sex did not help.

Sexual matters had always made her squeamish. Even as a child the dirty adult talk that would send other children into fits of giggles would make her turn pale in horror. Let someone else see you naked? Touch each other’s private parts? Until recently, she’d never understood the fascination people had had with it.

She’d left home before having The Talk with her mother. And when Amelia tried to lend her some books Lina had not so politely refused. Now she wished she had read them. She felt like a fool, unable to please a man physically or emotionally. She also felt confused over whether or not she was still a virgin. Where was that line? Could she get pregnant from the activities they had engaged in the previous night? That would be the last thing she needed.

It would be one more person who could be used against her.

Lina wanted to run. She’d buttoned and straightened her shirt not too long after Gourry had fallen asleep. Her pants were another matter. They were lying on the edge of his side of the bed. She longed to grab them and run to the baths, clean herself up. But she was terrified of waking Gourry, of having him wake up to the sight of her mooning him as she struggled to put them on. There was protection in the dim light of the moon that the sun did not provide. The moon masked imperfections. The sun revealed them. Character and physical. And she had revealed more of herself emotionally and physically last night to one man than she had done to anyone in her lifetime. She felt desperate to regain some of her aloofness.

Gourry stirred, and then stretched. He turned to face her, his features tight with apprehension. “Morning.”

“Morning.” She replied.

He waited for a few minutes to see what she would do before saying, “So, what now?”

“Bath. Then breakfast. Then we should reach the festival.”

He nodded. “About last night…”

Lina giggled nervously, turning beat red, “Let’s not discuss it. Except, one thing I have to know.”

Gourry stared at her, silently communicating that she continue.

“Um, well…I was wondering…” his gaze was too penetrating, so she turned away, “What we did, I can’t, I mean, there’s…there’s not going to be a baby, is there?”

She did not see his eyes widen in surprise. Slowly he pulled the sheets off of him as he stepped onto the bit of bare ground that the room held, revealing his bare chest and clothed lower body. Lina turned even redder, averting her eyes to the wall. “Well, my pants never came off or came undone, so I guess we’re safe.”

Lina relaxed a little, feeling silly and ignorant. It was not a comfortable feeling for someone who prided herself on being a genius. “Thanks.”

Gourry grabbed his shirt from the tangle of sheets and put it on. “Are we okay?”

Lina’s smile was forced, “Yes. Go on to breakfast. I’ll join you later.”

* * *

 

Gourry was kicking himself. Why had he told her he loved her? It had felt so right at the time, but it had derailed everything. He should have known better. She’d opened up to him more emotionally that night than she had in their two years of traveling together. But he’d pushed the limit. Physical intimacy was one thing. Emotional was something completely different. He’d taken a chance with what he held dear, and now he might lose it all.

He toyed with the idea of telling her that he lied last night, but knew that it would be futile. She would never believe him. The damage had been done. He had been rejected. He should have given her more time to process all she had been through, but he had grown so impatient, and the time had seemed perfect…

“Pancakes!” She cried as she sat down across from him, once again oblivious to the fact that he had refrained from eating until she got there.

Deftly, she speared the pancakes with her forks and swallowed them whole before attacking the bacon. “Hmmm, this is good! Have you tried it? You’d better hurry before it’s gone.”

“I want to talk.” He said quietly.

“Then talk.” She said between bites of eggs and bacon.

Gourry sighed, waiting patiently till she had finished. “About last night...”

Lina waved her hand dismissively. “It was fun, but nothing to write the folks about. It’s not like it was anything serious.”

The look he gave he was wounding in the depths of hurt it contained. Lina froze, and slowly put her eating utensils down. “Look, I…”

“Don’t.” Gourry said quietly as he stood to leave. “I’ll see you at the festival.”

* * *

 

That only thing that kept Lina from following Gourry immediately out of the inn was the fact that she had to pay for their meal. It was at some point between asking for the bill and receiving it that it occurred to her that may be it would be better if it happened this way. If they were no longer traveling together no one would suspect the nature of her feelings for him. And he would be left alone.

She overpaid and left before she could change her mind. Why was it that she could sacrifice the world for him, but she could not leave him? It would be the wiser course of action, for both of their safety. But then he was not the only person in the world that she cared about. Sure, she could try to live like Zel, wandering from place to place alone for the rest of life, neither desiring nor seeking company. She did not truly see it as a viable option.

She quickly caught up with Gourry, who did not look at her as they walked to the festival in silence. Feeling strangely paranoid, Lina looked behind them. No one was there. She glanced to her left and then to her right. No one. No sense of blood lust. No feeling of being watched. Why did she still not feel safe?

She bit her lip. Part of her was craving the intimacy they had the previous night. Part of her felt emotionally raw from the experience. The other part felt validated. Gourry had not told her she was stupid for feeling what she felt like Luna would have. He had not laughed at her body, like she had always feared any man who saw it would. Deep inside she yearned to experience that closeness again. Competing with that urge was the feeling that she had nothing left to give emotionally.

She wanted to explain the dilemma she was feeling. How she wanted to keep him safe and wanted him. She did not feel she had the words to do so. So she stayed quiet. And kept glancing behind her back.

* * *

  
Gourry stormed from the inn, his anger wrapped around him like a fist. She had said it wasn’t serious. How could it not be serious? How could she sit there and so brazenly dismiss what had happened the previous night?

Tears, hot and angry, flowed down his face. Had he been fooling himself into thinking there was something more between them then there really was? Had he let hope get the better of him? Had he dared to believe that someone else could care for him as much as he did them?

The Golden Lady had said that Lina had sacrificed herself for him. Yes, his memory was not great, but some things will always be burned into even the memories of those with the flimsiest minds. Zel, Amelia, and Sylphiel had told him that she sat by and watched as the others were killed. They had told him how distraught she was after he was kidnapped. It had to mean something to her, it had to!

The way she had held him so tight the morning of Zangulus and Martinas’ wedding. The feel of her spooning with him in the moonlight, clinging to him as though he was life itself. The passion she had unleashed the previous night, the firmness of her touch conveying strong feelings of love that drowned out the fumbling efforts of a novice lover. She had not said it, but he could feel in his bones that she felt just as strongly towards him as he did her.

And then he had been bold and told her he loved her. Her expression melted from one of bliss to horrified. She’d looked as though he’d just told her he was a serial killer.

Footsteps, light but urgent crept towards him. He could sense her presence. He dried his eyes and waited for her to make a move. She said nothing, merely falling into place beside him, looking uncharacteristically unsettled. She kept glancing behind her, around her. She was unusually alert.

Her anxiety was contagious. Soon he was scouring the horizon, watchful for any unwelcome presence. Nothing. Until they caught up with other fairgoers. Lina studied each of them as they came into view as if she was ruling out potential suspects in a murder investigation. Her lips became tighter, her body stiffer as more people joined them. Lina put more distance between herself and him, as if wanting to deny any familiarity. The distance grew wider as the crowd grew larger and the fairgrounds came into view.

His anger faded as his perplexity grew. Lina usually loved fairs. Usually they would have been bantering about all of the delicious food they would eat. Lina had never given a damn about crowds, never shown fear around other people.

Was someone threatening her? The idea was appealing as it was repulsive. If someone was threatening her then it could explain her behavior at breakfast. May be her haste to dismiss the events of the previous night had been born from an effort to protect him rather than the absence of similar feelings.

He found himself warming up to the idea in spite of himself. Part of him wondered if he was setting himself up to be hurt again. The other part started to glance at the horizon warily, looking for signs of an enemy that Lina feared enough that she would not even tell him to expect it…

* * *

  
Watching the other fairgoers was strangely reassuring. At first Lina had been terrified that someone might have been spying on her. But as the morning drifted to afternoon she became convinced that her fears were silly. Everyone was too busy having fun and enjoying the fair to notice the sorceress and the swordsman.

The fact that people were alive and enjoying the festivities was a balm to her burned nerves. It was more proof like no other that she had not destroyed the world. All around her people were living their lives, blissfully unaware of how close it all came to ending.

Yet they lived. In spite of her recklessness, they had lived.

Her stomach grumbled, and she headed towards a booth that was selling meatballs on a stick. Gourry followed her, strangely silent. They had not spoken to each other once since breakfast. It was not a companionable silence. Lina ordered two meatballs and gave one to Gourry, and together they walked off towards the crowd, eating in silence.

Right now not talking seemed the safest option. It would not lead to a repeat of the events the previous night, nor would it lead to him walking away for good. So she made no move to break it. Instead, she finished her meatball and headed towards a booth selling funnel cakes. And that was when she noticed them.

At first she thought she must have been looking into a fun house mirror. The woman was short and petite with long crimson hair, while the man was tall and blonde. Only his hair was not as long as Gourry’s, and he was not wearing armor and she was not dressed as a sorceress. They wore simple homespun clothing. And they were kissing openly in the middle of the fair.

Lina stopped in her tracks and stared, causing Gourry to nearly run into her. Lina didn’t notice their near collision. All she could see was the couple making out in the open, not caring that others were watching, and with no worries of blackmail or destroying the world. The woman’s hands started to snake up her lover’s back as he cupped his arms under her legs, lifting her up so he did not have to kneel down so far to kiss her. The woman straddled him as their kiss became more passionate. Color started to flood Lina’s face as her hands bunched into fists as a volley of emotions assaulted her.

Sadness first, followed by bitterness for what she could not have. She could never kiss a lover in the open like that, not without jeopardizing the world. As soon as the thought occurred to her anger burst through her. Her fingernails bit into her palms so deeply that it drew blood. It wasn’t fair!

“Lina?” Gourry asked, looking between her and the couple she was so openly staring at.

She turned away and made a beeline for the funnels cakes. “Do you know them?” he asked. She said no words until she got to the booth and requested four funnel cakes and something to wash them down with. Their order was prepared quickly, and Gourry, desperate to confront, walked quickly to a picnic table that was on the outskirts of the fair and that afforded some privacy. As soon as they sat down Gourry went for the attack. “Is there something I should know?”

“No, why?” Lina spat more harshly then she meant to between bites of funnel cake.

“On the way here you kept looking over your shoulder. Now something has got you mad. Is there some threat I should know about?”

“Nope.” Lina said, licking the powdered sugar from her fingertips.

Gourry felt that his usual calm demeanor was being pushed to the limits. Her shields were up, his were down. Usually he would have known to let her be. She would talk when she was ready. But he yearned for some sort of validation from her. So he tried to find a way in.

“What about that couple set you off?”

“It was obscene what they were doing, in broad daylight, in front of people!” Lina exclaimed.

“It never got you mad when people did it before.”

“Well it does now!” Lina took a drink of ale, “They should have the decency to get a room.”

Gourry gave up and started to tackle his own funnel cake. The idea that someone was blackmailing her faded as his confusion over what was bothering her grew. He noticed that she was staring at the couple again, who had at least stopped kissing. Now it looked as though he was trying to win a flower by playing a carnival game that was rigged against him. Gourry turned his gaze back to Lina. He wondered if he imagined the wistful look in her eyes.

The physical similarity of the couple to themselves was not lost on them. He hoped that she was wishing that he and Lina could be there in the couples’ place, winning Lina the flower. A thought occurred to him. Questioning her was getting him nowhere fast. May be emphasizing with her would be better. It was also more risky. If he was wrong and she had no romantic feelings towards him then it would most certainly blow up in his face.

 _Be brave,_ he told himself, _Lina was brave when she faced down Hellmaster. I have to be brave._

“It would be nice.” He stated.

‘What?” she said, barely paying attention to him or her response.

“A normal life. Enjoying the festival as a couple. Going to a real home afterwards instead of an inn. No bandits to raid, no monsters to fight, working hard during the day, coming home to someone you love in the evening. Owning a house and not traveling all of the time.”

His words were having an effect. He felt that he was resonating with her. Her lower lip was trembling. “May be. For other people.”

“Why not you?”

She turned to face him, talking louder than she meant to, “You idiot! That would be the worst thing right now! Do you know how lucky we are to be here?”

Several passerbys turned to stare at her. Lina glared at them until they walked on before continuing more quietly, “I didn’t defeat Hellmaster through skill, I did it through luck and because he got sloppy. If the Lord of Nightmares hadn’t decided to kill him, things could have easily gone the other way and the world would be gone. I don’t know why she followed my wishes, but it’s not something I want to try again.”

“But Lina, that’s the past. It can’t be done over, can it?”

Lina sighed as she slumped forward on the table, not caring that the powdered sugar that dotted the table now clung to her shirt. Sometimes she wondered if he had a block of wood where his brain should be. “Not with Hellmaster, but there’s plenty of other Dark Lords and monsters out there. And Xellos knows what happened and why and is probably busy informing his higher ups. He’s probably there right now telling his mistress where Hellmaster screwed up and how to get me on the ropes again.”

Gourry’s eyes widened as he started to draw the pieces together. “So, you’re afraid that they’ll try to get you to use that spell again? By kidnapping me again?”

Lina felt like ringing a bell, “You or someone else. I have plenty of people who can be used against me. I have family in Zefilia. Friends. So the way I see it is that I have two choices. I could go and settle down and hope to call a truce with the monster race. The problem with that is it could be seen as a weakness. I might as well hang a sign on my door saying that I’m not powerful enough to win with the Giga Slave again, take a loved one.

“Or I can keep living my life like I used to. Show them I’m not afraid. Make them think twice before coming after me or mine again.”

“Do you really think another monster would try this after Hellmaster failed so miserably at it?” Gourry asked, his brain working overtime to process all that she was telling him.

“I have no idea if they will or not. It’s too soon to tell really. But I do know I have to be on my guard.”

“So is that how you’re going to live the rest of your life, putting up a strong front for the monster race?”

Lina shrugged. “I’ll do what I have to.”

“And what about us?”

Lina blanched, “What us?”

“The ‘us’ we had last night!”

Lina blushed, “Don’t you get it? Don’t you get the danger I would be putting you in if I let there be an ‘us?’”

“I’m willing to take the risk!”

“You may be, but is the world ready to do so? Would the world condone the risk we are putting it in? There’s a lot more at stake here then the wants of two people!”

“If that’s the case then why are you still even traveling with me?” Gourry asked. “Wouldn’t it be safer to part ways?”

Lina slumped forward. “It would.”

He waited for her to say “but I’m not going to do that. I’m not going to let the monsters rule my life.” Only she didn’t. What she said turned him to stone.

“Last night, I thought I could have just one moment. One memory to carry with me forever, and then I could move on. Only I can’t leave. I know I should, but I can’t. Can…can you do it for me?”

Gourry folded his arms across his broad chest, “I can’t. I said I would protect you for the rest of my life, and I meant it. If you don’t want to travel together anymore, then you walk away.”

She looked at him, stricken. Seconds passed and grew into minutes, and she made no move to leave. “What will separating prove to the world after all we’ve been through?” he asked softly.

Lina inhaled sharply. He had a point. The cat was out of the bag and it would not go back in. Xellos had most likely sensed what she felt for her guardian and had blabbed about it to the monster race. What was she thinking, believing that going their separate ways could change that? Would they not sense the emptiness his absence would leave in her?

And if not noticing her own feelings for him had not protected him, then how could ignoring them now do so?

Was she deluding herself so that she could feel like she was protecting him? She had never felt as powerless as she had when she realized she had lost control of the Giga Slave. It was not a feeling she was used to, not one that she had liked. Was she putting up barriers in the vain hope of never feeling that way again?

“Besides, after the beating we’ve given the monster race, you’d think that they would think twice before picking a fight with us.”

Lina laughed. “You’d better stop, before I get cocky.”

He stood up, brushed as much powdered sugar from his clothing as he could, and offered Lina his arm. She took it. He led her over to the game his look alike had just lost. Gourry examined it for a minute. It looked as if the point of the game was to toss coins onto the tops of glass bottles. If you did, you won a rose. If not, then the man behind the counter kept your coin. It would be difficult for most people to be that precise in their aim, but for Gourry this was child’s play.

He grabbed a coin from his pocket and the man behind the counter noticed him, “Step right up, sir, and win a rose for the lady!” he cried.

Lina blushed and looked around, but no one seemed to notice or care. She wanted to cheer Gourry on, but she felt that she was being daring enough as is. So she watched quietly as Gourry threw a coin and it landed precisely on the bottle top. The man behind the counter made to get a rose, was surprised when Gourry said, “Wait, I’m going to get a dozen.”

The man behind the counter seemed pleased. Lina couldn’t help but grin. She knew that the scummy man was thinking that there was no way Gourry would be able to do that. She watched with satisfaction as Gourry threw the coin accurately each time. The man’s smile lost its luster as he grudgingly handed Gourry a dozen roses, which he in turn handed to Lina.

Lina was thrilled. She had never been given roses before! She cradled the prize in her arms and Gourry walked beside her, his arm draped around her. A need grew within Lina, and it was not born from fear or desperation like it was the previous night. She wanted to show her love. She wanted Gourry to feel the way she had last night. Her eyes strayed to the edge of the fairgrounds and she started to walk towards them.

Gourry looked down at her quizzically as he realized that she wanted to leave, “Is everything alright?”

“It’s perfect.” She said, “I just want a little privacy.”

Gourry’s heart rate increased as he wondered if she meant what he hoped that she meant. He followed her quietly as the fair faded away and the woods became dense. The human sounds of voices and music and carnival rides dimmed and went away to be replaced by crickets and the sounds of Lina and Gourrys’ footfalls. Eventually they got to a point where Lina felt secure that no one would happen upon them, and she set the roses down gently by a tree and took off her cape and spread it on a break in the trees.

Then, before she could lose the bold feeling of daring, she grabbed him into a tight embrace and kissed him. He was ready and swiftly lifted her up into his arms, enjoying the moment, wrestling a war with him as he wondered if he should do anything to sodden the mood. But for him it was not enough to have her physically. Reluctantly he broke the kiss, “Lina, what does this mean to you?”

Lina stared at him in annoyance. Why did he keep getting stuck on that point? “I thought most men didn’t care about meaning as long as they get the prize.” She said caustically.

Gourry was not going to let her put him on the defensive in this matter, “And aren’t most women supposed to be all about the romance? Why is it so hard for you to admit anything?”

Lina had to privately agree that it was a good question. One that she did not even know the answer to, other than that it felt like tempting fate to say anything. How long can you gamble and win? How long can you be reckless without suffering any permanent consequences? Stating a feeling makes it more real. If she ever lost him and never admitted that she loved him, wouldn’t it be easier than if she had been so open? If he ever decided to leave, it wouldn’t be as big of a blow if she never loved him in the first place?

And in the end, wasn’t the fear so silly that it did not even seem worth justifying it by speaking it out loud?

Lina’s eyes softened, “Don’t ask it from me, not yet. Just let me show you. Just be happy with that for now.” With that she untucked his shirt and ran her hands around his chest. _Feather touch._ She grinned at the look of arousal that swept through his face as she mapped his chest with her hands. She may not have given him an earth shattering experience the previous night, but that was all the more incentive to learn how to do it now.

It didn’t take much convincing to get Gourry to do things her way. And so their relationship morphed. They shared a room now most nights unless Lina was feeling spooked by an unusually attentive person in the crowd, and though those nights were passionate during the day they put up the façade of being just friends, especially when they met up with Zel, Amelia, and the others. Gourry waited patiently for Lina to resolve whatever issues kept her from admitting any feelings of tenderness for him, though the issue was often a source of friction between them.

It would happen one day, he kept telling himself. It just was not today.


End file.
